My Dark Night

A dark night of the soul is classified as an extremely difficult and painful time in one’s life. Usually after going through a dark night, there is an awakening. During this time, you begin to re-evaluate your life. Taking a second look at the things that you thought were important to you and determining what adds value to your life and what doesn’t. You begin to understand that we are all spiritual beings having a natural experience. Which causes you to seek out your soul’s true purpose on earth. My dark night did exactly that.

Experiencing my first traumatic event at the age of 13 sent my life on a roller coaster ride for which I was not prepared. It is not until you get older that you realize how these traumas affect your life. In 2018, I attempted to address my traumas but spiraled when I found out how deep they actually went. The spirit of depression and anxiety came upon me and made it exceedingly difficult for me to function. I felt pushed to a point where I no longer wanted to live. I was ready to give up on life and everything in it. BUT GOD never gave up on me. I became a mother at the age of thirty-eight, which helped put my life in perspective. My miracle baby literally saved my life. So, in 2021 when my shadows resurfaced, I knew the only thing to do was face them head on. No longer was I going to carry the guilt and shame put upon me by others outside of my control. I was determined to be free. But freedom came with a cost, and I entered my second dark night.

This time around I was no longer afraid to share with my family what was taking place in my life. Knowing that I had their love, their support, and their prayers I was able to make it through something that would have otherwise knocked me down. This time, I decided to walk by faith and not by sight. I allowed God to construct my foundation and its only by God’s grace, I am still standing.